Self-powered travel

Try walking.

Mugshots

The GOAT.

Your poor decisions

At the top of the list, self-branding. The cattle kind, not the marketing kind.

True love

Nothing says, "I love you" like firing a paintball guns at each other in wedding attire.

Gorilla warfare

Projectile edition.

Hat tip, Silent Taylor.

Your grandparents

Age 92 and still inventing. What are yours doing?

Your grandparents

Age 92 and still inventing. What are yours doing?

Faithfulness

If you've ever been cheated on, don't worry. It could have been worse.

The x-men

Who needs Storm when you've got China?

The x-men

Who needs Storm when you've got China?

Scrabble

The obvious

Vegetarians are sick people.

The obvious

Vegetarians are sick people.

Bets

Ballsy might be the wrong word for this bet.

Self Replication

If this works, could you be your kid's mom AND dad?

Healthcare

Study: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

Headlines

"Man dies in crocodile orgy"http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif

Autism

Try it, you'll like it.

The internet and shit

Now Senator Ted Stevens' comments about the tubes are starting to make sense.

Cliches

Next they pulled the wool from over his eyes, and he could see.

A battle to the death

It's you and me, coral reef, and this globe ain't big enough for the both of us.

Tenacity

Only 124 miles? Weak.

Segregation

Seriously, Toronto? This seemed like a good idea?

Your future

Better hope you meet that special someone soon. You could end up like this guy.

Poverty

Depressing.

Beauty queens

They're more than just attention whores.

Your guesses as to the content of this article

Of course, you watched me read this article in your mind, so what's the point?

The dubious

The utterly unconvincing, and the downright ridiculous.

Dirty hipp(o)s

Remember that scene from Ace Ventura? This guy was apparently influenced.

Rare air

They're called mammatus clouds. Honestly? Breast clouds? Must've been hanging out with the guys who named the Grand Tetons.

Panoramania

Cool.

Gum

Sculpted.

Demand shifts

The Super Bowl is a great time to be a hooker.

Makeshift

Not bad, Cuba.

Vending machines

Dude.

Sellouts

Silly Lithooayneeyans.

Your pool

More here and here.

Youthful indiscretions

And if you're curious how a decision like that one gets made, watch the first 4 minutes and 30 seconds of this clip. Or just cut to 4 min if you're anxious.

Christmas gifts

When you ask for an air compressor for Christmas at age 10, you are either 1) an insufferable nerd, or 2) the coolest kid in town.

Lies, damned lies, and getting what you vote for

Where are the pictures like these of Hillary Clinton?

Craigslist jobs

Human eradication, anyone?

Lookers

The strangest critters on earth.

Openers

Embarrassingly bad video personals.

Do-gooders

Downright heroic effort to return a lost camera. If only everyone was so noble.

Miracle drugs

It cures ED, and it is saving a 4 year-old girl's life. Yes, I'm talking about Viagra.

Offers

This one's too good to be true.

Hanging out

You know how we do.

Classic Rock Japanese style

Why do i keep finding stuff like this?

Google

1) Go to google.com
2) Type "find chuck norris" without the quotes
3) Click "I'm feeling lucky."
4) Chuckle.

Social networks

Wow.

A vagina with teeth in it

The movie. Seriously.

The wrong house

Really wrong.

Green irony

Only in California.

Gift ideas

Would've been cool as a kid.

Childrearing advice

Original source here.

Halo

In real life.

Changing Colors

Motivation

And now there is mathematical proof that the way I live is the best way.

What's good

Here's what sucks. All 33 things.

Conscientious investing

Buyer beware.

Rocketman part deux

If you have $100,000 and 1000 gallons of crazy, go for it.

Massage therapy

Seriously, how do you become the detective that goes undercover for these stings?

The new imperialism

International grabby hands.

A speeding locomotive of douchebaggery (for kids)

Seriously, hydrogen is cool and all, but does it really have to be so incredibly hideous?

Entrapment

In real life this dude stole $7 billion. I'm not even mad.

A modest proposal

You won't do it, Japan. You're chicken.

Living history

So much more exciting when what's live is a bomb.

Missing my big chance

Because we're all winners compared to this guy.

The changeling

See me change.

Robocop

You've been superseded. Try robogeneral: the software that fights your wars for you.

Gaydar

And given that it exists, the authors argue, so may love at first sight.

Craigslist

The best of.

Norm

The best part is at the 3min mark.

Idiocy

Rocketman

Batshit crazy.

Green power

Try brown power.

Parasites

Check out these crazy lifecycles

Paranoia

In The Know: Is The Government Spying On Paranoid Schizophrenics Enough?
I've said it once, and I'll say it again. Just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're not after you.

Concept cars

The original above, and more here.

Paint

Big version.

War

The coolest battle you've never heard of.

Invasion

Step 1: Bomb the wall
Step 2: Thousands rush into Egypt
Step 3: Thousands buy milk and return to Gaza

Entertainment

It's not my thing, but wholesale slaughter of cute little animals by less cute and less little animals goes waaay back in human history. Who am I to judge?

Romance

"No dogs allowed."

Education

Class I wish I had taken.

Heart-stopping deliciousness

Deep-fried, bacon-wrapped, cheese-stuffed hot dogs.

Albums

Serialized song releases. What say you?

Headlines

This one takes the cake.

Batman

Looks like they'll have find a new joker

Farsightedness

The future that wasn't.

Ancient history

The one that got away

Soda edition.

The black market

Hey, when organ sales are illegal, the prices are higher and it makes sense to be the guy who gets tourists drunk, steals their kidneys, and leaves them in a bathtub full of ice to wake up.

The usual

Today: Cop beats man. Man handcuffed to wheelchair.

Tomorrow: Cop avoids punishment.

A smoking gun

Cool.

Our national embarrassment

Silly Congress.

Product design

Would anyone else feel shy about using a grenade to put out a fire?

Spy tech

Cigarette-sized flying machines could soon be listening to your conversations in the park and taking pictures of you in the shower. Hopefully the latter.

False promises

Read my lips: no new lip reading software, yet.

Truth in advertising

You know those really sweet truck commercials about the Toyota Tundra? They're actually real.

Teleportation

The movie and the science.

The coming robot wars

First lying, then domination.

Immortality

I wonder what kind of health insurance is offered to an 800 year old.

The relatives

Embarrassing, no?

Innovation

Eh, it's interesting, I guess.

Your eyes

Know this, you will shortly have to bleach them.

Educational methodology redux

Just because it's a game doesn't mean you can't learn something from it.

Misplaced incentives

Getting paid to quit smoking. My question: do I get paid each time I quit?

Irony

A thousand words says a thousand words.

Educational methodology

Just putting the material into a game does not an exciting learning experience make.

Point and shoot

Wait, don't shoot!

My elementary school paper airplane contest

What if the winner's plane had received this privilege?

Instilling values

Gun rights activists rejoice. Now you can remind little Timmy and Sally of their 2nd Amendment rights every time you make them breakfast.

Giving comfort to the enemy

"No Seinfeld for you, Eli."

Siege weapons

Sweet.

The enemy within

Really makes me confident in the measures taken at the airport.

Unspeakable acts

Look what raunchiness God hath wrought on New Mexico.

Mistaken identity

Six of one, a half dozen of the other.

Buzzkills

The cream of the crop.

Lessons

Learning the hard way.

Assault rifles

Be the biggest badass in the office.

The end

But here are some doomsday scenarios.

DUI's

Is this for real?

Phases

Good news, female bisexuality ain't just a phase.

My question: did the study control for being an attention whore?

Put options

On your ipod. Gotta love the market.

Metaphysical impossibilities

Root beer float in a bottle.

Harmonicas

The most badass harmonica player you will ever see

Vandalism

They will never silence her.

Paranoia

In the words of the famous prophet and philosopher, Kurt Cobain, "Just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're not after you."

Fear itself

Kinda reminds me of the creepy guy from Limp Biscuit.

Asking permission

And neither, apparently does Tom Cruise.

Arf, woof, ruff, and yip

No, you cannot eat any more of my shoes, Fido.

Your insecurities

So cry about it, girly man.

Telekinetic primates

Word.

Surprises

And this is not one.

Modernity

Try it, Iran, you'll like it.

Failure

Good news.

Privacy

Now no man will be able to convince his girlfriend to send him naked pictures ever again.

High School Parties

Greatest apology ever,

A tragedy

Of monumental proportions.

An egregious error in judgment.

A truly zany move, but without the positive connotations.

And other 100 point words as well.

Cavity searches

'Scuse me prisoner, please empty the contents of your anus onto the table for me. Check paragraph 4 for the impressive load.

Snake oil

Get high on life, or sound effects, or iTunes visualizations, or whatever.

Performance enhancing drugs

It always seemed a bit strange that 50 recovered so quickly from his gunshot wounds..

American express

Drinking rewards.

The south pacific

Where the waters flow like... like smoked salmon?

Faking your death

You're doing it wrong. Forgot the life insurance policy.

Guns

When the police can confiscate a teenager's gun with only parental permission, only those smart enough not to hide their goodies in the underwear drawer will have guns.

Badassery redux

Holy schneikes! The dude in this video is a bad ass. It's 20 min, but make sure you at least watch from min 15-18.

Camouflage

Make sure you watch the whole thing. Amazing.

Heartless bastards

Ah, the Tin Man! Would that he had lived to see this day.

Your parties

In case you were curious, they're lame.

Stayin icy

But if you do...

Our jails

With all of this going on in our (or Britain's) jails, it's getting hard to get drugs in schools anymore.

A clever defense

Too cheap to be drunk.

The fate of mankind

Close calls.

Small talk

Apparently, it makes you smarter.

Contagious disease

Winning

Fist fighting 101.

Badassery

Though, catching a swordfish with your hands is mildly impressive.

Misfit love

Ain't it grand?

Morality

From the department of questionable priorities comes this juicy nugget.

Being grounded

This is much worse.

Hell

It has frozen over.

The perils of smoking

Spare your fingers from frostbite while infecting your lungs with cancer.

Bad santa

In real life technicolor.

Bridges

Sweet.

Learning the hard way

9X the legal limit. I'm not even mad. I'm just impressed.

Mechwarrior

Mech Warrior One Step Closer to Reality

Fruit flies

Punny.

Global warming

$3 of compressed air = 125 miles of travel + looking like a total goober.

Psychology

All my girlfriends past and present can check #8 to see that I've been right all along.

The door to the center of Mars

Sneaky Russians...

The Ocean

Plastic continent, anyone?

Architecture

Cool-ish. The Chicago spire reminds me a bit of my new favorite product.

Atlantis

Try Issyk Kul instead.

Knowledge

50 things we now know that no one knew last year. Sorta.

Earth hacking

Say wha!?

Drinking and driving

Soooo yesterday. Newness: Walking and listening.

Your third eye

Evolution in action.

Your mom

Check out the rest of the Hottest Moms in America.

They view from around

New Year's panoramas.

Previous occupants

I know it's always a little weird to sit on a warm toilet seat, but honestly, do you really want to know beforehand?

Ceiling fans

Overkill.

The x-files

Life imitates super awesome tv show.

The moon

One of these days Alice, BAM! Straight to Mars.

My old toys

Kids have it so damn good these days...

Nazi sympathies

How do you like your VW bug now?

The Segway

Roboscooter, now that's an idea I can get behind.

Klingons

Outsourcing classic Rock

I can't wait for this group to do Bohemian rhapsody