Diabetes

Cool.

The new world

Will the discoverer of the New World please stand up and take a bow?

Not so fast Cristobal Colon.

(With apologies to the Vikings, who no one seems to remember...)

Time

My question is, if this were true, would we notice?

Barroom brawls

Never lose one again.

What she said

I've seen bigger

Christmas

The guvmint

Predictions for 2008. With a twist.

Laundry

Who needs it?

His crimes

Say what you will; Saddam had a pretty sweet yacht.

T-shirts

Peruse.

Wii mods

This has potential

Human tetris

Amsterdam

Not anymore, anyway.

Porn

In most countries, these people would be stoned to death (maybe rightly so) for their kinky fetish. In Britain, analyzing monkey sex is research.

Evolution

This just in: Whales evolved from a fucked-up giant deer-rat thing.

The needs of a young model

Video.

Tradition

With a worldwide shortage of closet doors and pens, this gift makes sense for those who want to track the height of their children in the dumbest-looking way possible.

Life on Mars

But glaciers on Mars, now that's an album title I can get behind.

Jurassic park

Dubai, home of all the world's most ridiculously extravagant ideas.

Surfers

Soon to be an endangered species if these plans go forward to destroy and repurpose their natural habitat.

Artificial life

I propose that we reclaim a certain word for science. These men and women will be referred to henceforth as creationists.

12 hour glow sticks

Imagine if raves were still cool.

The children

I resent them for their toys.

Grades

Yes, but all-nighters do give you more time to party.

Lysdexics

Htey amke good enrtepernuers.

Your prowess

How many 12 year olds could you take?

Gift Ideas

For the person who has everything.

Jesus' birth

Remember that special star sent by God to guide the shepherds to Jesus?

Lunch

I'll have the light-filled nanosoup with a side of bacon.

Travel time

2 hrs from New York to Sydney.

Water temperature

For those who can't feel it.

The spirit of xmas

Happy Chrismahanukwaanza-kah to you!

A gun that can shoot around corners

Thanks, Israel.

Explosions

Cool?

Tradition

Finally, someone found a use for the Segway.

Superheros

I give you Lego Ironman.

Derelicte

Life imitates Ben Stiller movies.

The competish

Apparently there's hope for bloggers.

Words

Pictures tell a much better story

The law

Nor does the CIA.

The military

Let's clone an intelligent army of these suckers, let them go fight our wars.

Customer service

From amazon. Long but worth the time.

Imagery

Under the headline "Does Castration Stop Rapists?"

Guerilla... er gorilla warfare

Read this. I'm clever.

Laser gunships

The dope dizzle.

My old toys

Kids these days... they just don't know how good they have it.

The speed of time

It slows down when you're about to die so you can watch all the events of your life unfold and regret all the things you screwed up and failed to achieve. Great.

Vertical Farming

Oh, grow UP.

Your eyes and ears

AHHH! They're burning!

One million dollars

In pennies.

Your wang

Property of the CIA.

Godzilla

The space shuttle was attacked today by a giant spider.

Jetpacks

They're heeeeerre.

Sadly, the video is down.

The baby-tossing habits of a certain ancient people

Madness!? This is Sparta!!!!

Tax cuts for the wealthy

The top 1% pay 37% of the taxes. Only 37%? Burn them!

The embargo

It's failing to keep the Axis of Evil (TM) from obtaining American goods, anyway.

Sight

Eels responsible for the death of God.

World records

Get your own.

Math

Free math software! Whoohoo!

Pranks

Good one, kid.

Underage drinking

Quick, buy your fake ID-containing copy of Superbad before they're all gone.

Tha police

Apparently God hates them too.

TV Theme Songs

All of them.

Try the game.

Free and fair elections

Russia, thanks for making us look good.

2000 year-old superglue

Nifty.

The spirit of Xmas

Is this Sarah Silverman?

The end

How to off yourself AND the world.

Pride

For a glimpse into the life of internet junkies, please read the comments on this article.

Robots

Ah, Japan...

Your life

Go ahead, listen to country music. Just don't be surprised when it makes you kill yourself.

Mind-reading

Seems like someone is claiming this ability every other week.

Electricity eee-lectricity

And the winner at this year's science fair is.

My parents' generation

ha.

Welfare

Ah, the 80s.

Your hobbies

Ne'er before has such a lame hobby such a divine work yielded.

The law

Fuck tha police.

Chumps and bustas

I got beat up by an 83 year-old, and all I got was this stupid mug shot.

Street Cred

Word.

The deficit

But if I did, I might think about selling off some of this to correct it.

Weapons of mass destruction

Also sweet.

Weapons of mass distraction

Sweet.

Beauty

For your viewing displeasure, the 20 ugliest colleges.

Slideshows

Look at that, Ed. Now that is some weird, wild stuff!

Osama

No longer looking for Carmen San Diego?

The meaning of life

It's all a bunch of crap, anyway.

Underwater photography

Cool.

Learning

The kids were pissed. All that hard work for absolutely nothing.

Meat

Up close and personal.

Tommy gun tequila

The thieves were found later in a pool of their own vomit.

Truth in photography

My real question, though, is can you use it to remove former friends/lovers from a photo?

Street drugs (redux)

Life imitates Family Guy.

The Talented Mr. Darwin

I suspect an impostor.

The land of the lost toys

Seriously, you moved to the most remote place on earth, and now you're mad that no one can bring you medicine?

Pickup lines

Nothing says "do me" like a $1.4 million Lamborghini.

The law

Apparently, speed limits are unsafe. Join me in violating them at every turn.

Some old dusty map

Apparently modern times weren't the only times in which maps were redrawn to please politicians.

The Portuguese were here first, dammit.

The Word

Everytime I get a little lazy and start to lose sight of God's Word and his Plan, someone comes along and reminds me what a badass the God of the OT was.

DRM and record labels

Thank you, Wal-Mart.

A 29 year-old grandmother

We're now accepting bets on how many generations of this family will be alive at the same time.

By my math (1 child every 14 years, everyone stays alive to old age) in 56 years, there could be a great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother walking the streets.

The end

Actual fact: Seven years have passed since the Apocalypse failed to arrive. Prognosticator still believes. Don't worry, global warming will vindicate him.

Exercise

In the most obvious piece of scientific research in years, scientists reveal that looking at large breasts makes you live longer. Duh.

BangBots

But they're cuming, soon.

Zombies

Wasps are officially the coolest creatures in the world.

Pieces of the past

It's no message in a bottle.

Supersoakers

The collection.

Fatherhood

This guy is a champion.

Street drugs

Gotta love the marketing plan.

Those movies with Christopher Lloyd

Back to the wha?

Biological weapons

From 3300 years ago.

History

Some do, and I'm a panderer.

A map of the Roman Roads.

Potent quotables

Sweet.

Cartels

A shady, exploitative organization promoting substance abuse.

True friendship

This is what it's all about.

Charity

27 hours of sex for the children.

Innovation

America: No poppies, you can't have 'em.

Afghanistan: Fine, you didn't say no pot.

The mobile classroom

Wtf teach, y did u give me an f? ill b in ur off ltr 2 r-gu.

A car that can see around corners

Nope.

Your idea

Dumber than the Jump to Conclusions Mat? I think so.

Pet rock

Wish I had thought of that...

Green energy

Kite power is pretty nifty, though.

Tailgating

What's the one thing you've always wished you could bring along for tailgating?

Electronic Tatoos

I would totally get one.

The mathematics of rap

1, 2, 3 and to tha 4.

Morbidity

For the magicians in your family. And the weirdos.

Laziness

Something about this just screams: buy another kind of boat!

Hydrogen-powered bikes

Nice shorts, guy.

Suggested ad campaign:
It's not JUST for douches.
or
Hey, at least it's not a Segway.

Safety

I much prefer the appearance of safety.

Some crazy sculpture guy

But apparently he's pretty good.

Being cool

But if I did, I'd practice in this video game version of Mean Girls.

Giving

Some helpful suggestions for those who do.

Thanksgiving

A Thermite Thanksgiving - Watch more free videos

That smell

Ooooh that smell. The smell of nukes surrounds you.

Robocop

This is the hot ish.

Freedom, Low Taxes and the Russian Way

Vladimir Putin: Let's play a game; call it the "election game."
Gary Kasparov: Ok, I challenge you. What are the rules?
Vladimir Putin: They are simple. I win. You lose.

Tasers

Don't torture me, bro.

Terminator

Holy Crap!!!!!

Your quirks

If you ever wonder whether some of the things you do are a little out there, you're probably right. So you pick your nose, at least you didn't eat 10 pounds of your own hair.

Arrested Development

Please, please let this be true.

Talking robot ladybugs

Wait, what?

Relationship advice

Thanks craigslist.

Recycling

One man's trash is another man's masterpiece.

Your hobbies

If you need a new one, though, you can always build one of these.

The wisdom of honeybees

Apparently, honeybees are going to make the internet faster.

The robots living among us

Not yet, but hey, they've managed to assimilate into cockroach society, and to take it over. Is Hillary Clinton a robot?

Keeping our schools safe

These kids do, though.

What time it is

A vote is being taken to determine the answer to that question. Seriously.

Style

Your closet knows what's up.

Rainbows

But for those of you who've been wondering how to find the pot of gold at the end, scientists have managed to capture a rainbow.

The internet

At least not as much as they do.

Creation

Dear believers,

Visit the Creation Museum here. Look what God hath wrought.

Regretfully,
Science

Huck and Chuck

Vote Huckabee.

Vocal Prowess

There are so many things that come to mind when I watch this video. 1) Is this for real? 2) Why am I enjoying this so much? 3) WTF?

Homeless female professional wrestling camp

With a little inspiration and a lot of hard work, you can be one too.

The castle doctrine

"Boom, you're dead. (Sound of gunshots) Get the law over here quick, I've managed to get one of them... I had no choice."

Men who look like old lesbians

Or the website devoted to them.

Amy Winehouse

You stay classy.

Marketing

Apparently, this pic is supposed to be part of a tourism promotion campaign in London.

Thinking out loud

Literally.

Turkeyday

How much you're like a vacuum cleaner

Because this thing sucks even more.

VW

The VolkswApple iPassat.

Mutation

WTF?!

Statistical visualization

Sweetest informational video ever.

Memory

Virtual memory. Isn't it nice to be able to forget?

Tha' police

NY's finest.

Money

But for those who do, the new $1 coins are here, and they feature none other than James Madison. Not the James Madison I remember. A James Madison that's been in a bar fight. Look at the poor sap, he's got a crushed orbital bone and a fat lip. Or maybe he's just a really unfortunate looking human being.

The olympics

But if these events were added, I might begin to care.

DIY games

Make your own tetris and more.

My right to vote

I'm gonna go out there on a limb and say that these prices are actually a little high.

How much money gets spent in a presidential election? An extremely liberal guess says this election season will see spending of 1.5 billion.

If 150 million people vote (a big increase from last election), that means each vote is worth $10.

But, there's a better way to find out the value of a vote. I'm auctioning my vote off to the highest bidder. Whoever offers to pay me the most will get my vote cast on election day for the candidate of his or her choice. Let the bidding begin in the comments section.

Brokeback basketball

Phil Jackson, your sense of humor is not enough to surmount the pressures of political correctness. Not quite enough.

Relative and nominal price

Ah wikipedia, fount of knowledge, purveyor of truth. Take a look at the last line under that subheading.

This is wikipedia, not ratemyprofessors.com.

Sucking

The first computer ever to say "Blow me" and mean it.

Game gear

Not when I can have GameBoy on my iPhone.

Warm soda

I don't care, because I don't have to care anymore.

Your car wreck(s)

Yes, it was expensive, but did your entire automobile vaporize on impact? I think not.

Twitter

This is probably the coolest thing I've joined in a while.

Bob Dylan's Art

Kinda reminds me of van Gogh.

Mickey Rourke

A little old, but still good.

Charity Sex

But if you'd like to be paid to provide an important public service (sleeping with the disabled) check out this website.

Your body image

Just remember, it could be worse.

Drunks

That's right, Nevada and New Hampshire, and the rest of you lushes out there. You know who you are.

Humvee-mounted laser guns

I'm lying. I care deeply.

Disneyland

What's the only thing better than one robot theme park?

Two robot theme parks.

Bilkemor LLC

Yes, that's the name of a shell corporation set up by DC lawmakers to launder illegal tax refunds. Bilkemor LLC. At least they had a sense of humor.

The poems written by my former roommate

His place as poet laureate of this blog is taken. By a sad, sad man.

Your high school musical

Is this the best performance you've seen in years? Bet on it.

Stopping cars with radiation

No word on the impact of the technology on sperm count.

Celebrity Charity Work

I guess the elephants were being left out.

Shocking Journalism

What are the odds.

Your age

Do you look old enough to purchase used womens' underwear, er... cigarettes from a Japanese vending machine? The machine knows.

Medieval torture device

Or book ripper? You be the judge.

Gift-giving

For those out there without gift-giving talent, I present 25 recommendations.

Though it receives a ranking of 13th on their list. The item pictured above is a guaranteed wiener for any golf fanatic in the family (that's two wiener jokes today, thank you very much).

Update: This might actually be better.

Lite-brite

A blast from the past, retooled for the future.

Fairies

Read how this fairy lost his job collecting teeth.

Haunted houses

Haunted gas station, anyone?

Watch the video.

The wet legs of oil executives

Sweet.

Hippies

Q: Why did the hippie cross the road?

A: Because he fell out of his tree and had to be taken to the hospital. Seriously.

Self-Control

New invention lets you get yourself under control.

Hide and Seek

Those sneaky Chinese always win.

Cat Eyes

Iceman this is Cat Eyes.

Wii-eners

Control your Wii in interesting ways.

Mind-reading

They'll know what you think you might know before you even know that you might should think about whether or not you know it.

Guitar Hero

All I want for Christmas.

Beer Pong

Seriously?

Guilt trips

Check this page out. Feel guilty about taking the free option?

Your watch

A grandfather clock for your wrist.

Angels

They're real...

That vintage look

Eager to make your bike unappealing? Look no further.

Rainy days

Tops on the list of things I wish I'd had in middle school.

Laser guns

Sadly, the only thing you'll be killing with a laser in the near future is cancer.

Solar-powered ferries

Cool.

Microscopic art

More here. And here.

Your drought

Listen, Georgia, it could be worse; you could be this guy.

Rough justice

Want to destroy your criminal street cred? Try getting beat up by a 70 year-old woman.

Space music

Beats from the planet Saturn.

Dave Chapelle

It's like he never left.

Women

Because they can't cook, and I'm not afraid to post about this other guy saying it.

James Bond

Where were you on this one, Q?

Linguistics

Scientists, keenly aware of their inability to hold conversations with real people, have deciphered the language of whales. Not surprisingly, whales don't care about their research either, won't let the scientists buy them a drink.

Climbing the ladder

When no one wants to do the job, they always slough it off on the intern.

Driver's ed

Which method is most effective for teaching?

A) The stick.
B) The carrot.

Guinness

Brilliant.

Architecture

Nifty.